Monthly Archives: September 2015

Forgiven, Again

your expansive vocabulary of utter forgiveness
terrifies my fingers, widens my closed eyes
at the sight of your good heart because it doesn’t know
of this sort of possibility, fears the unknown

why would you forgive such darkness,
the wind that blew out the light of the stars
in your eyes, am I really good enough for
your gentle hands, paving the way to okay

sighing, extinguishing yourself for the sake of
me, awake only in memory before I disappear
into the thin air, of your open hands
welcoming me back prematurely, though I burn

your soft palms, allow themselves to be stepped on
yet again, your bumpy calluses enraged that you
made it okay again, for the rough soles of my shoes
to soil your innocence, dirty your heart once more,

just a welcome mat placed conveniently for
me to wipe the residue of my emotion on
before I leave again, stepping on the same mat,
it’s always welcome though

whether I’m coming or

going.

Language of the Dark Skies

Speaking in universal words,
Vague enough that I don’t understand,
Your mysterious tongue, I’ve never heard,
Foretelling of stars and moons in herds.

You, lingering in the dark air of loud music
Blasting in your eyes, colliding with your soul,
Any other would get a headache,
But you would always withstand it all,

You understand it all,
Banging your head to the incoherence,
Gibberish to us, you, it enthralls,
Your mind, a menace.

Dangerous tales of wispy light,
Black magic, black hearts, hard times,
Those dark skies almost tore down your might,
But there is infinity in you, universes of rhyme,

Nothing can tear down your rhythm,
Stagger your unhesitating cadence,
Mental strength I can’t even start to fathom,
You, make the dark stars repent.

One Month In

A month really flew by… the upperclassmen weren’t kidding when they said freshman year passes by too fast. I’m amazed by how long it’s already been despite how short of a time it felt like and how, when I visit home, everything is unfamiliar from my bed to the toilet.

From the very beginning, I’ve wanted to get involved in things outside of class as much as I could, and I have achieved my goals (while enjoying every step of it of course)! As of now, I’m in three committees (RCSA Student Activities Committee, AAA Community Service Committee, and UPHC Health Policy and Advocacy Committee). I’m also a writer and copy editor for PHA, and an associate editor for BPR.*

*Key if you’re interested: RCSA = Regents’ and Chancellor’s Scholars Association, AAA = Asian American Association, UPHC = Undergraduate Public Health Coalition, PHA = Public Health Advocate, BPR = Berkeley Poetry Review.

…Somehow I feel less anonymous now. Oh well.

Being in all of these activities plus being a double major (intended Public Health and English, though considering dropping the English major and being a creative writing minor instead) has made my schedule quite hectic (hence my 5 day hiatus from posting on this blog, sorryyyyy), but I love being busy. Right now, I am probably at the perfect amount of busy-ness.

Sadly, I had to give up Archery Club, and I wont be doing AFX (a hip hop dance team) until next semester, but my experiences so far with the committees and publications more than make up for it. The upperclassmen were right about clubs and extracurricular activities being the way to go for meeting friends and people you relate to. Moreover, being in committee for those clubs/organizations boosts the social level even further because besides the general club events, there are the inter-committee and intra-committee ones, which I can tell definitely will create bonds; whether they are lasting or not is up to us.

So, if you’re going into college or something similar(?) soon, my number one piece of advice would be to get involved, but only in as much as you can handle on top of academics and only for things you truly do like!

Besides clubs/organizations and stuff (which I will go into more detail about sometime when I have more anecdotes about each one), I’ve had some other random experiences as well, which I’ve just now decided I will tell you about in another blog post so that this one isn’t all over the place. Woo~ Thank you for reading my ramblings!

Drunk

Eyelashes flutter gracefully, me,
gratefully drinking the ecstasy of your glance.

Fingers tap restlessly, I,
romanticizing the romance in your touch.

As such, I fell in irresistible temptation, from
understated adrenaline.

Intense proximity, O, your movements,
they sting me, my eyes, tears.

Eyelashes flutter nervously, overflow, you,
sadistically drinking the melancholy of my blinks.

Irregularity

Like the man in that crowd,
My darkest side comes out as it approaches evening,
Falling into depression and sadness,
Ragged breathing while crying without meaning.

Dark is the only consolation in this state of mind,
You don’t have to stay though,
Just leave me behind
To wallow in my sad state of sorrow and bewilderment
At my own strange temperament,
Wondering in shame what I mean by depression
When I’m fine in the daytime.

No one knows what I meant
When I said I was spent,
I didn’t mean money, it’s not the dime that bothers me
As much as the sad cadence of my heartbeat,
That irregular rhyme.

But I’m sure you don’t have time
To mind or consider, and I don’t blame you,
How could I ever explain that I can’t be happy
When I’m in this mood, my state of truth?

Goodbye, for the best,
Get some rest.

Shadows

Such darkness, slinking into dangerous corners,
Secrets whispered, silent promises exchanged.
Slipping into small crevices of walls, seldom seen areas.
Subtle touches sliding over civilization’s skin,
Settled in their universe of silence.
Snakelike demeanor, reminding us softly,
Saying we only reflect the darkness in our cynical hearts.
Slowly we realize our shadows–seemingly separate–
Simulate our true dark selves.

My Bed Covers

Asleep,
by white crystals.

Frostbite creeps up my spine,
but in the cold, I can feel the warmth, comfort
of bed covers, intensely soft envelopment.
Winter, time when I can sleep well,
Pieces of white blanket sliding over my body,
Almost sensual, sensational warmth,
Lusting for that feeling, I’ll forget.

Asleep,
hibernation forever.

Covers hug my curves, cuddle me up,
Cover my heart as cold blood boils,
Relaxed, unfrozen, flowing gently
In slow pulsations through my veins,
The ice in them melted, liquid, flooding,
Filling me, warming until I can’t feel.
Numb in the warmth of winter,

Asleep,
under white bed covers.